The fourth of july isn’t a holiday I like to celebrate and no it’s not because I don’t like this country that we live in or the fact that we are free because of what our forefathers risked for this nation. The fourth of july means sparklers and sparklers remind me of the nickname sparky and the nickname sparky? That reminds me of my little sister, my little sister that had the fourth of july as her due date, which made my elderly neighbor nickname her sparky in the womb.
Thinking of my little sister sucks. There are hardly any good memories. The only things I remember even though it was 17 years ago, bring pain and very real hurt. There’s ball of heat in my stomach as I write this, I don’t enjoy thinking of Abby because when I think of Abby, I think of pain. Her pain, her little body purple and damaged, so broken and so little. My parents pain of losing a child. My mothers pain she could only express in tears. My family’s pain as we tried to navigate the waters that were so unknown after she died. I think of screaming at God, why did you let this happen? I think of how my other sister would say that if Abby had lived she would have been like her. My sister would say that to hurt me – you have Josh, well if Abby was here, I’d have her.
I think of that dark haired little girl, the only dark haired baby my parents had, the rest of us were blond from the get go, weird since my mom has to this day very dark hair (dominate gene).
I don’t like the fourth. It brings pain to the surface, pain that I’ve worked hard to deal with, pain that I don’t feel a freedom to talk about. Pain knowing that I go months without thinking of her,and then feeling so guilty that i haven't thought of her! and then pain that comes from thinking about her.
This is song that every time I hear I think of her – this is Abby, this is the pain I’ve tried to express, and I’ve tried to heal from.
Abby I love you, and I will never forget you, you are and always will be my little sister. The day I get to see you in heaven is a day I look forward to with much excitement and joy – It will be so good to hold you, I can’t wait to hear all about you and your life with Jesus. You, Abby, are my dark haired little sister, I love you!
Your big sis,
Christine
Watermark Glory Baby
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you… (and your sisters and brother)
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
