learning to run again.

when walking with a friend a few years back I expressed the desire to run again. and when i say again, i think i meant for the first time really, being an athlete i'd been in shape but I'd never just gone running. she advised me to take it slow and build up, she'd taken a running class in college and they'd started with ten minutes a day for two weeks and very slowly increased from there.

I've tried several times to get back into shape, ever since my heart surgery almost eight years ago i've needed to get back into shape and yet each month that passes makes the mountain of not being in shape larger, higher and more daunting.

since i've graduated two months ago I've had lofty dreams of getting back into the swing of things, of walking 6 days a week, losing weight and building my stamina back up. these things haven't happened. i've felt as though I've walked through a haze or fog, moving slowly from day to day, trying to grasp the surfaces around me just to hold me up. and I think I may be slowly coming up to the surface, slowly learning how to walk in this new stage of life.

my hope is that i can slowly again begin to see Christ around me, to walk the way God has called me and to live fully again.

and to run fully up the mountain that has stood in my way for eight years now.

green monster

one of the complications of heart surgery for me is that i suffer from swollen legs. i don't know how many people really experience swollen legs, i've heard that pregnant woman do but i haven't experienced that. it's painful and uncomfortable and has been happening a lot lately. but no worries, just had heart tests and i'm good to go for another year! but regardless swollen legs aren't much fun.
before surgery when i was 17 swollen legs were a daily, all day battle. doctors thought maybe i'd get relief at night but it was actually worse because i wasn't moving for so long. and in high school my best friends family got the green monster. it's this mammoth reclining chair, it props your legs up and is simply the best thing for swollen legs. plus it's an awful and yet wonderful green color. it's a beaut. and i fell head over heels in love with it.
see, uncle d left it with e's family to store for him because he didn't have room, not sure they had room either but cw loves her brother and they stored it. i wanted that chair so bad.
in college ( i can say that now, in past tense!) i got a one person version of the green monster (it's cute tho! green monster is wonderful because it is what it is!) - i love my brown recliner and it's awesome for my legs but it's not the gm.
two days ago i saw the gm sitting in the carport and e casually mentions that they are selling it... WHAT!?
frantically my brain is scrambling to come up with where i could put the gm. i'm so bummed cause i have loved it since i set eyes on it.
going home i bemoan that soon the gm will belong to someone else, a few hours later i text e and say, please i want it. and i'll just MAKE it work.
i want the chair. i don't care how I'll make it work. the chair is in my living room, it's mammoth and i'll be hiring professional movers when i move to CO. miss and i cuddled last night and it was the nest thing ever, now i just need to take cw up on her quilt offer and i'm gonna be solid this winter and for the rest of my sitting in chairs life.
I'm never getting rid of it. and you know what? it works with my body and with my colors! :)
thanks uncle d and the rest of you w's, and thanks e for carrying it (justin and urs too) i love my gm!

challenge to swilson

so when reading a new blog, i stumbled on an entry that was titled 50 things I'd never do, and she only got to 35 - i told her i could do fifty and i'd blog about so here goes, and yes i am stealing some of hers...
1. i would never cut my toenails in the lunch room (i don't eat in the lunch room but that is besides the point)
2. I would never get a brazilian (though legs, eyebrows, armpits - totally and do!)
3. I would never willingly shave my head.
4. I will never sky dive.
5. I will never bungie jump.
6. I will jump off a train.
7. I will never swin with sharks.
8. I will never go deep sea diving.
9. I will never go sailing!
10. I will never get "sleeves"
11. I will never get anything other than my ears pirced.
12. I prolly will never travel to africa
13. I'll prolly never travel to asia
14. I'll prolly never travel to Russia
15. I will never run for President!
16. I will never open a Swiss Bank Account
17. I will never walk on stilts.
18. I will never take diving lessons.
19. I will never sell things door to door
20. I will never be good at math.
21. I will never have a math related job.
22. I will never buy a snake for a pet
23. I will not haver a ferret for a pet.
24. I will not have a cat for a pet.
24. I will not have a big dog as a pet.
25. I won't dye my hair black.
26. I won't ever eat Rubarb
27. I won't ever eat Apple Crisp
28. I won't give up coffee unless ordered by a doctor to do so.
29. I won't give up gluten unless the doc says so (and i don't think i'll ask him if i should either)30. I won't become a Nun.
31. I won't ever yell at a CS person!
32. I won't ever smoke!!!
33. I will never Enter a Logos Cookoff
34. I won't be a vegetarian
35. I won't be a a vegan.
36. I will never read skinny bitch again (anyone want my copy?)
37. I will never give up soda (well i might but i highly doubt it)
38. I will never play football again
39. I will never be better at soccer than my sister
40. I will never play baseball again (unless i have kids and they need me to or something)
41. I will never be able to completely type without sometimes looking at my fingers
42. I'll never be able to diet (woe is me!! i need too!)
43. I will never eat a whole apple while at work
44. speaking of apples - i'll never eat an apple core
45. I will never be able to sew like my mom
46. I highly doubt i'll ever enjoy spicey food! (though sarah i do like curry!!!!!!)
47. I will never stop making plans
48. I will never have my scars worked on (plastic surgery)
49. I will never doubt the story Christ has give me!
50. I will never make a "I never" list again as it feel negative! :)


there you go sarah! :)
46.
30.