don't you get it? this isn't fair. and yet, in the back of my mind - I know I share some of the blame. and oh, that makes the rages speed through my limbs. I was to shout - YOU DID ME WRONG! but i can't. cause lets be honest, sometimes I suck at life. that job, that place was like a black fog entering my entire being- making me sink, causing me to fall, pushing me down until I could barely stand. that place that was supposedly so great, such a wonderful employer made me what to scrap my skin off. peeling back the layers of that place, of that company, of those people who were in charge was not only not pretty but disappointing and frustrating.
it's some many months later and still I jerk awake in a sweat, tangled and bothered. those words echoing in my mind... you're not good enough.
I'm learning to say - No, you weren't a good enough place FOR ME.
I can get up each day, I can do the things I need to do, I can be ME.
Soon, I pray, the sour taste will leave my mouth. I will move in the direction that God is taking me and I will have ripped the bitter roots out of my heart. I feel as though right now the stem was pulled away but the roots remain. It's taking a hard tool to dig those bitterness roots out. And I'm praying that none will remain.
