this weekend

this weekend my friend lad got married. it was awesome to see the ceremony and watch her and ryan start their journey as a married couple together. it was a lot of fun to hang out with jen and to also watch beth be maid of honor. i came to the wedding from my saturday class with trinity western, it was a very strange transition to make. my class and prof went to down town bellingham with colin potts a local guy in town who leads down town plunges with middle school and high school students (he was on staff at christ the king for awhile and just recently left that position). to be down town and to see just how much we over look (or i should say, i over look) i was appalled, i drive down the street where the homeless community has been pushed too, i know people who own condos where the homeless used to lay their heads, i wonder what to do with this new information and ideas of bellingham. i struggle with feeling small and useless. i want to help. i want to make a difference for christ. and yet. i don't feel as though that's my calling. and i feel so guilty. so guilty. i question myself, do i really feel like it's not my calling? OR do i just not want it to be my calling and therefore because of that feel as though it's not my calling.
life is strange and I don't know where to go with it. i think that God has been plans for me but yet i wonder, are they what i want my plan to be? am i forcing my way into his plann... things i don't really want to think about but need to.
humm, lots of prayer.
well this was a somewhat downer and now i really need to go to bed.