today was a 7

have you been asked to rate your pain on a scale of one to ten? Ten being the most pain you've ever had? Well, today I was asked to rate my happiness, one being just plain bad and ten being I'd died and gone to heaven i was so happy, those were my therapists definitions. I told her 7.

I had a wonderful 4th, I got to hang out with some very lovely ladies. Women who love God, who love their husbands, who are somewhat close to my age and who are excited to have me move to Seattle and hang out with them. Being with them, chatting with them, it gave me hope. I'm encouraged and hopeful about my next step. God has been faithful in this unemployment journey of sprinkling encouragement and infusing me with hope.

First, the day after losing my job I had a pretty formal party slash event to attend at which I saw friends who are either moving to seattle or already live there, they were all excited and encouraging about my moving. It lifted me up, made me feel just a little bit more like myself. And it gave me the courage to face this summer of not really having a job.

Then, Lisa had her last talk at the INN and a little something sweet of a going away party, there at both of those events I was struck by what an influence both Lisa and the INN have had on my life. The real desire of mine to be in community with those people and new people - to continue to grow in my relationship with God. I was challenged and again encouraged to face my unknown future with a smile.

Around that time I started therapy, which being honest was pretty lame those first couple weeks. Lame, because well, I've haven't been making the best choices, and I needed to face that. My brain is tired, I've been working it hard these last four weeks. And today I'm hopeful because the re-thinking, the new muscles I'm building in my noggin are working, I'm taking myself to a place where I want to be. Where I need to be.

So today was a 7. Yes, there are still some serious doubts. For one, why the H isn't my condo selling? Everyday I wake up and think "this is an awesome place to live, why aren't people seeing that?" Well, duh, no one has money right now, but still!! I've worked hard to make this place my home, and I really think someone else is going to like it even more than I do. So instead of being an 8, I'm a 7 because I just don't seem to have much patience.

Things worked out today, I saw God's fingerprints in some very practical simple ways, and I'm thankful for them. I'm thankful he's put people in my life like E who can listen and help me process and give me brilliant advice. Like my sis who I can look to for an example for where I need to grow in my life right now. For Bethany who love to asks me the hard questions. For Dana who is so forgiving when i do silly things like take my measurements wrong.

Now as I go into this week, ( i know it's the middle of the week) I'm praying for patience, and for secure hope in God's plan. The future is scary, but I'm beginning to dream again.